I know it’s been quite some time since I’ve posted on this blog. Since my last post, a lot has happened, in my life and in the world. I honestly never really knew what to write about because there were so many more important things to worry about.

Recently, I attended a group fitness class at a newly opened studio near me. It was at the enthusiastic invitation of a friend. I was hesitant at first, given my history with studio classes of all sorts this was to be expected. But this was a newer friend in my life and I wanted to see what she saw in the studio, in this practice. So I looked at the website and gave it a chance. The class was a “Yoga Sculpt” class, describing itself as incorporating traditional yoga postures with weight training. Of course, my judgmental brain was activated and I instantly thought this would not be for me, since it wasn’t really a yoga class. I expressed my concerns but my friend enthusiastically said how welcoming and human-centered the studio was. And honestly, I want to be the person who judges AFTER they experience something, not before.

So, I attended the class.

The first moment I knew this class wouldn’t be for me was when I stepped into the studio and felt the heat on. This was not information I had ahead of time. I do not do well in heated classes, of any kind. At this point though, it was too late. And besides, the class was 50 minutes…I can do anything for 50 minutes, right?

The class was everything I expected it to be. A hybrid of yoga asana with weight training thrown in. The entire focus of the class was on the physical body, promoting “strength”. The instructor, while kind and indeed very positive, was reinforcing the idea that physical strength was the focus of the class. It felt like the class was trying, a little too hard, to bring in a little philosophy while still focusing almost exclusively on improving physical strength.

After the class, I felt very not well, body physically and emotionally. I felt like I had failed myself because I couldn’t go through the class without breaks, and I felt like I failed my work by succumbing to this thing that was obviously not yoga. After thinking about it throughout the day, I realized my issue with this course wasn’t the studio, wasn’t the people, wasn’t even the instructor…it is this idea that something so beautiful, so holistic as yoga has been bastardized to feed into society’s embrace of “physical strength = total strength” and that if we only make ourself “look beautiful” or “look strong” than we can be mentally and emotionally strong. That’s what I got from this class…whether that was the intent or not, that’s besides the point. That is what I, a first time attendee, got from the class. And that’s a problem.

Then I paused.

I thought about my new friend who adores this class and this studio. I thought about what I knew about her own spiritual and mental health journey. She enjoyed this space. She needs this space. And clearly there were at least nine other people in that class who enjoyed the space and class as well. So why shouldn’t these spaces exist? Why shouldn’t this type of “yoga” exist.

Perhaps, instead of judging it and seeking it to be removed, thinking about it as a stepping stone, as a door that may lead folks to a more holistic, traditional version of yoga that actually can shed society’s norms of physical beauty and healing. Maybe, instead of fighting against it, I can work with this, giving my friend my honest experience and thoughts and maybe that will show her there is more to this practice than the white-washed, westernized version that focuses on the physical. And maybe she’ll never get to that point…and that’s okay.

What I’ve realized through my own practice and journey is that yoga is very personal. Yes, it is codified and standardized in many ways. But to me, yoga is very, very personal. That’s the spiritual part of it. Or the spiritual part I get from it. At the end of the day, each person’s practice is their own and it will guide them to what they need at the time. Sometimes it may be a more physical practice. Sometimes it may be about the breath or meditation. But there is no room for judgement in the practice. Whether it’s judging our own practice or the practice of others.

That’s what I think yoga is really about. Removing judgement of ourselves and others. Practicing true acceptance and empathy. We may not agree, we may not have the same style of practice, but if we’re doing it to better ourselves (physically or otherwise), then we’re doing what we need to in this life. And that’s yoga.