Why Do We Show Up?

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I recently started a Substack where I share more general writings and musings about things I’m thinking about or subjects I’m meditating on. I also dabble in a little bit of short fiction writing.

This is something I wrote recently that I should might be useful to some of my readers here…enjoy!

Lately I’ve been really thinking about the way I show up for people. Mostly about the fact that I continue to show up for people who haven’t shown up for me in the way that I want or need. I keep cycling through this thought, over and over again, thinking I should stop showing up for them, show them what they’re missing. Then I find myself showing up for them all over again.

Recently I had the opportunity to show up for someone in my life in a way I hadn’t before. I was excited, but it was going to be both financially and physically taxing. I had to make a bunch of changes to my existing plans to be able to show up for this person. After some consideration and researching online, I made the decision to do just that, show up.

After I redirected my plans, I told this person. Naturally, I expected a “thank you”. None came. I was frustrated and disappointed. Even my partner expressed frustration with the lack of gratitude for me going out of my way to show up in support of this person. The days and weeks leading up to the event, I cycled between frustration and complacency. Even the hours before the event, I found myself cycling through the thoughts of why I wasn’t getting the gratitude I thought I deserved.

Then I paused and asked myself, why are you showing up for this person? Do you just want the “thanks”? Are you doing it to prove a point? If I’m being completely honest with myself, and you, the answer to all the questions was yes. I wanted to show this person that no matter what they did, how they acted towards me, I would be there for them. I wanted to show I was the better person, I was the one who put more importance into our relationship. I was the person who would move all barriers to show up. Once I was truly honest with myself, I released that expectation. It wasn’t as simple as it sounds, but it allowed me to remind myself the reason for me showing up is just as, if not more important than actually showing up.

So while getting ready for the event, while on the way to the event, I meditated on my reasons for showing up. I reflected on my relationship with this person, the ups and downs. And I actively made an intention to let go of expectations. I wanted to show up for this person. I have no control over their reaction or feelings. All I can do is be there for this person, regardless of the outcome. 

So, in the end, I showed up as myself. I gave my full love in the moment. And while I never got the “thank you” I initially expected, I did have a good time and was able to spend time with other people I haven’t seen in ages, and reconnect with people who I’ve missed. In the end, it wasn’t exactly what I expected, but it was genuinely worth my efforts all the same.

Summer Solstice Speculations

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Another Summer Solstice came and went. Among other things, this is the longest day of the year. When presented with such opportunity, what are our first thoughts about what we should do, how we should take advantage of the time?

I was thinking about this when I woke up and started getting ready for the day. I mentally went through my to do list for the day and the week and thought to myself well, I have more daylight today so why not try to get more things done? I had a yoga class to teach, then I thought about what things around the house needed doing or what was on my Bay Area bucket list that I haven’t crossed off yet.

I’m sure I wasn’t alone in these thoughts. Many of us may have thought, why not make the most of the day? That can mean many different things for many people. It can mean adding to their to do list to feel more accomplished, it can mean finding new experiences to cross off their bucket lists, it can even mean a little bit of both. Essentially, my first thought was how can I jam pack this day so I feel I got the most out of the extra daylight hours?

But what does it really mean to be productive? What does it really mean to “seize the day”? What if “making the most of the day” meant prioritizing what is best for me in the moment? Rather than focusing on what society deems as productive or seizing the day, why not look inwards and listen to what your body, mind, and spirit are feeling called to do. Sure, this could mean adding chores to your list, it can mean going on a fun, new adventure, or it could mean resting, reading a book, or taking a nap. Each of these things are valid, useful, and productive whether society deems them so or not.

So reflect on how you spent the day…what did you prioritize and how did you feel afterwards? Maybe next year we can rethink what it means to seize the day and use those extra hours to uplift our wellbeing.

And so ends your bonus summer solstice speculations….

How to Celebrate the International Day of Yoga

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The International Day of Yoga is fast approaching. When I did a quick search online to see what was going on for the weekend, it seems there are so many events to choose from:

  • Silent Disco Yoga
  • Puppy Yoga
  • Beach Yoga
  • Rooftop Yoga
  • Yoga in the Park
  • Father’s Day Yoga
  • Beer Yoga
  • Hot Yoga

And so much more!

My first thought was, wow there is an overwhelming amount of activities around this “holiday”. Then I wondered how these events are actually talking about yoga, sharing about the spiritual practice and how it can be not only a physically supportive practice, but a lifestyle.

It seems like every year, as we approach this day, I find myself circling back to how people learn about and practice yoga. I know there are a lot of thoughts about this “holiday” and how it was established, and I won’t really get into those political points here. But one thing I will say is that I believe this is an opportunity to broaden our collective understanding of yoga. Rather than go to an event that focuses on the physical aspect of yoga, try to find a group that is bringing awareness to other parts of yoga, maybe focusing on pranayama or meditation. Maybe pick up a book about the history of yoga and learn about its roots in South Asian culture and spirituality.

Saying “there is so much more to yoga than asana” is just me being a broken record. Maybe asana is your entry into the space, your gateway to the practice. Eventually, though, I believe people should become aware of the depth of the practice and the true disconnection is has with the stereotypes and misconceptions most people have. I think the best thing folks can do if they are interested in yoga is to really look for communities that promote the full scope of what yoga is. They are out there and not hard to find.

My hope is that eventually, there will be a collective shift in Western Yoga, where there are more spaces where conversation, connection, and liberation are the focus over asana. Because to me, that is what yoga is all about.

What is Yoga, really?

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I know it’s been quite some time since I’ve posted on this blog. Since my last post, a lot has happened, in my life and in the world. I honestly never really knew what to write about because there were so many more important things to worry about.

Recently, I attended a group fitness class at a newly opened studio near me. It was at the enthusiastic invitation of a friend. I was hesitant at first, given my history with studio classes of all sorts this was to be expected. But this was a newer friend in my life and I wanted to see what she saw in the studio, in this practice. So I looked at the website and gave it a chance. The class was a “Yoga Sculpt” class, describing itself as incorporating traditional yoga postures with weight training. Of course, my judgmental brain was activated and I instantly thought this would not be for me, since it wasn’t really a yoga class. I expressed my concerns but my friend enthusiastically said how welcoming and human-centered the studio was. And honestly, I want to be the person who judges AFTER they experience something, not before.

So, I attended the class.

The first moment I knew this class wouldn’t be for me was when I stepped into the studio and felt the heat on. This was not information I had ahead of time. I do not do well in heated classes, of any kind. At this point though, it was too late. And besides, the class was 50 minutes…I can do anything for 50 minutes, right?

The class was everything I expected it to be. A hybrid of yoga asana with weight training thrown in. The entire focus of the class was on the physical body, promoting “strength”. The instructor, while kind and indeed very positive, was reinforcing the idea that physical strength was the focus of the class. It felt like the class was trying, a little too hard, to bring in a little philosophy while still focusing almost exclusively on improving physical strength.

After the class, I felt very not well, body physically and emotionally. I felt like I had failed myself because I couldn’t go through the class without breaks, and I felt like I failed my work by succumbing to this thing that was obviously not yoga. After thinking about it throughout the day, I realized my issue with this course wasn’t the studio, wasn’t the people, wasn’t even the instructor…it is this idea that something so beautiful, so holistic as yoga has been bastardized to feed into society’s embrace of “physical strength = total strength” and that if we only make ourself “look beautiful” or “look strong” than we can be mentally and emotionally strong. That’s what I got from this class…whether that was the intent or not, that’s besides the point. That is what I, a first time attendee, got from the class. And that’s a problem.

Then I paused.

I thought about my new friend who adores this class and this studio. I thought about what I knew about her own spiritual and mental health journey. She enjoyed this space. She needs this space. And clearly there were at least nine other people in that class who enjoyed the space and class as well. So why shouldn’t these spaces exist? Why shouldn’t this type of “yoga” exist.

Perhaps, instead of judging it and seeking it to be removed, thinking about it as a stepping stone, as a door that may lead folks to a more holistic, traditional version of yoga that actually can shed society’s norms of physical beauty and healing. Maybe, instead of fighting against it, I can work with this, giving my friend my honest experience and thoughts and maybe that will show her there is more to this practice than the white-washed, westernized version that focuses on the physical. And maybe she’ll never get to that point…and that’s okay.

What I’ve realized through my own practice and journey is that yoga is very personal. Yes, it is codified and standardized in many ways. But to me, yoga is very, very personal. That’s the spiritual part of it. Or the spiritual part I get from it. At the end of the day, each person’s practice is their own and it will guide them to what they need at the time. Sometimes it may be a more physical practice. Sometimes it may be about the breath or meditation. But there is no room for judgement in the practice. Whether it’s judging our own practice or the practice of others.

That’s what I think yoga is really about. Removing judgement of ourselves and others. Practicing true acceptance and empathy. We may not agree, we may not have the same style of practice, but if we’re doing it to better ourselves (physically or otherwise), then we’re doing what we need to in this life. And that’s yoga.

Gratitude

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The year has flown by. I looked back at my post in January, at the goals I had set forth for the year. Here’s a reminder of what I set forth for myself:

  • Pay off 3 more of my student loans.
  • Sell half of the books in my online bookstore.
  • Do yoga asana and meditation 4 days out of the week.
  • Walk 1 mile each day.
  • Cook at home 4 days out of the week.
  • Meet 75% of my reading goal for the year.
  • Publish six posts in 2025.

So, what did I accomplish so far in 2025?

  • Pay off 3 more of my student loans. – I actually only have 3 loans left! BIG WIN.
  • Sell half of the books in my online bookstore. – Sold OVER half the books I had on sale.
  • Do yoga asana and meditation 4 days out of the week. – On average I do a 30 minute asana, pranayama, and meditation practice 5 days a week.
  • Walk 1 mile each day. – I was walking 1+ miles a day for a while, but work travel seems to have paused that for now.
  • Cook at home 4 days out of the week. – We actually cook at home 5-6 days out of the week!
  • Meet 75% of my reading goal for the year. – I am currently at 87% of my reading goal for 2025.
  • Publish six posts in 2025. – FAIL (but I’m okay with that)

So…I met a lot of goals. The one goal I hadn’t made and yet I seemed to excel at this year was practicing gratitude. I have not only kept a gratitude journal throughout the year, but I have also made note of my contributions to others, even the most minute contributions. It’s really helped me understand not only what I benefit from but how I also benefit others.

So, as we approach the end of this year, I’ve come back to ask you all, what are you grateful for? How have you benefited others in your life?

New Year’s Thoughts

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As we begin a new year, I see a lot of reflection on the past year, successes and short falls as well as commitment to new year’s resolutions and new goals. It has always been a mainstream belief that failures or short falls are bad and reaching or exceeding one’s goal is good.

What is we see “failures” as opportunities to understand challenges in a new way and plan for more realistic goals in the next year?

Here are some ways I have failed this year:

  • Did not pay off my student loans.
  • Did not sell all my books in my online bookstore.
  • Did not do yoga asana or meditate every day.
  • Did not meet my daily steps goal every day.
  • Did not cook at home the majority of the year.
  • Did not exceed my reading goal for the year.
  • Did not post on my blog each month.

But are these all really “failures”? I see them more as opportunities to understand what prevented me from reaching those goals and pivot, change my mindset to set myself up for success.

So in 2025, I hope to reach the following goals which I feel are more attainable:

  • Pay off 3 more of my student loans.
  • Sell half of the books in my online bookstore.
  • Do yoga asana and meditation 4 days out of the week.
  • Walk 1 mile each day.
  • Cook at home 4 days out of the week.
  • Meet 75% of my reading goal for the year.
  • Publish six posts in 2025.

Set yourself up for success in 2025. Understand what’s realistic. It’s okay to push yourself, but push yourself within the realm of possibility!

Happy New Year!

World Mental Health Day

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This month, among other health awareness days, we honored World Mental Health Awareness Day. The purpose is to raise awareness of mental health needs and to hopefully garner support, financial and societal, for mental health treatments.

Throughout my years as a yoga practitioner and instructor, I have heard many say yoga is good for mental health. While there are many ways in which yoga can support with mental health needs, there is also room for different kinds of supportive therapies and treatments for mental health needs.

Every aspect of yoga, from asana to pranayama, can support with mental health. And it’s not always going to be a one size fits all. Some folks may benefit the most from asana, others from pranayama. This doesn’t mean one should practice a single part of yoga, but possibly emphasize that part a bit more in their regular practice. Most will likely benefit from a combination, the full incorporation of all yogic practices. Similarly, some folks may need talk therapy or other forms of western medicine. Supporting mental health doesn’t have to be a choice between one treatment or another, it can and should be an overlapping of different types of supportive therapies and may evolve just as humans evolve.

Yoga can support with a great deal of things:

  • Calming the mind and body
  • Increase mental clarity
  • Increase physical awareness
  • Developing empathy
  • Practicing acceptance

In my experience, yoga has been a great mental health suppot and sometimes I do need therapies or treatments that are more westernized. That’s okay. We shouldn’t judge ourselves or others for doing what we need to in order to get better.

As 2024 comes closer to an end, I hope we can all move away from judgements of others and support one another in embracing what is needed to get through the day (or month or year).

National Yoga Awareness Month

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September has been dubbed “National Yoga Awareness Month”. The intention is to raise awareness of the practice of yoga and it’s numerous health benefits. While I tend to agree, yoga is a practice many may find useful and the benefits are immeasurable in my own personal life, I’m wary to join into the monthly “celebrations” honoring yoga as I find the western tendency to segment yoga into “parts” is antithetical to what yoga really is.

Yoga is a practice with multiple pieces. Many follow the eight limbs of yoga:

  1. Yama – duties directed towards others
  2. Niyama – duties directed towards the self
  3. Asana – physical postures
  4. Pranayama – breath practices
  5. Pratyahara – withdrawal of one’s senses
  6. Dharana – focus
  7. Dhyana – meditation
  8. Samadhi – enlightenment

All these limbs have further practices within them. Individually, they may have numerous benefits for the mind, body, or spirit. Together, they have immeasurable benefits to the mind, body, AND spirit. See the difference?

When we take one piece of the puzzle, it may be interesting, but we aren’t really understanding the bigger picture or how that one piece fits into the puzzle. However, when we take all the pieces together, with patience and time, we see the beauty of it all, we see the full picture. The practice of yoga, incorporating all aspects of the practice, allows us to live our full selves, grow into our fullest beings. These practices give us the tools to be the best versions of ourselves, live with empathy, love, and grace, embrace all that humanity has to offer while understanding the bigger, spiritual picture.

So this month, as we raise awareness of the practice of yoga and it’s numerous benefits, I challenge you (and myself) to focus on those aspects of yoga where you may not have as much practice, where you may see minimal emphasis, and try to dig deeper into that practice. See what it opens up for you.

Yoga for All – How Can We Make Brave and Expansive Spaces?

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As we approach the end of Pride Month, I can’t help but notice all the social media posts promoting “inclusive yoga spaces”, spaces where communities are “safe” to be themselves in their fullest form. But what does a “safe” or “inclusive” space really mean?

In my experience, even spaces that are labeled as “safe” or “inclusive” have some kind of hierarchy or leader. When we’re trying to develop a community, shouldn’t we all have equal say in the group or circle, equal input into what’s happening? Shouldn’t each member of the community feel responsible or in charge of decisions? Likely, in many of these “safe” and “inclusive” spaces we enter, we are prone to the decision of others, following along passively.

Perhaps we should think about making spaces that are “brave” and “expansive”. Anyone trying to develop community can’t guarantee a space to be safe for everyone. No matter what we do, how many safe guards we make, triggers are everywhere and we can’t prepare for every single possible trigger for every single person who shows up. So what if we try to make spaces brave? A space where community members can feel willing and able to open up, push themselves in a way they weren’t able to before. And also create space for those who may not want to push themselves, but observe others in their ability to do so as an example of what they can work towards or open up to be. And what if we created spaces together, collaboratively, where there is no hierarchy or need to “invite” others to join, but there is an open door or no door at all. There is always room for anyone to join in and be part of the space, equally as important as those who came before.

As we work to build more equitable, expansive spaces for a diverse array of practices, it’s important to also make sure voices are being heard. Think about the space you want to create, who are you inviting to create the space with you? Would anyone be able to access and benefit?

Some communities to consider:

  • People living with disabilities
  • People living with chronic illness/pain
  • LGBTQ+ community members
  • BIPOC community members
  • Non-native English speakers
  • Immigrant/migrant community members
  • People living with different body types
  • People who have previously experienced incarceration
  • Youth/Transitional Age Youth

This is by no means an exhaustive list. It may inspire some thought into who is being represented and where there are gaps. It’s also important to recognize the intersectionality of individuals. Just because someone looks like they represent one community, does not mean that’s the only perspective they can have or should contribute.

Pranayama for Mental Health

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Many of you know May is Mental Health Awareness Month. In many ways, Yoga is the perfect topic to discuss this month. There have been many studies showing the health benefits of yoga, from the physical benefits of asana to the mental health benefits of meditation. One thing that may not get as much attention is Pranayama and the mental and physical benefits of the various Pranayama practices.

Pranayama, as B.K.S. Iyengar calls it, is the yogic art of breathing. In his book, Light on Pranayama, Iyengar says “Pranayama is a conscious prolongation of inhalation, retention, and exhalation. The practice of Pranayama develops a steady mind, strong will-power, and sound judgement.” Pranayama is one of the eight stages of yoga, an integral part of any practice.

There are many different types of Pranayama practices. Some are great for increasing energy, some are great for bring about a sense of calm, and others are great for creating balance. Generally when it comes to breath practices, if the focus is on longer inhales and shorter exhales, these types of Pranayama increase energy and bring a little heat to the body. If the exhale is longer than the inhale, these Pranayama practices bring a sense of calm to the body, triggering our parasympathetic nervous system, our body’s natural calming system. A more even breath, inhale to exhale, bring energetic balance to our systems.

As we wrap up Mental Health Awareness Month, I wanted to offer a few Pranayama practices that have helped me in my own mental health journey as I’ve grown my yoga practice.

  • Nadi Sodhana – this has been the most helpful to maintain calm and still my mind. Whenever I’m feeling stressed or anxious, this pranayama practice helps bring me back to the present.
  • Kapalabhati – great for when I’m feeling low in energy, helps me start the start with a little bit of exhilaration.
  • Diaphramatic Breathing – this was very useful to me during panic attacks and when I was in triggering situations. It helped me feel grounded and connected to the present moment.

I practice these Prayanama techniques fairly regularly and have seen a significant improvement in my mental health. I hope they help you too!